tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-708300224790166842024-03-05T19:49:52.592-08:00Our Restoration RanchThis dream has been birthed from our struggles and victories and a passion God is giving us to see our own lives restored so we can bring restoration to the lives of others. Restoration Ranch is about dreaming, living and pursuing God as a couple and family in every way!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-52414893139846221702010-06-13T19:53:00.000-07:002010-06-13T19:53:39.668-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://michellebentham.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/cropped-blog-header-wordpress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="http://michellebentham.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/cropped-blog-header-wordpress.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>This is the header from my Wordpress Digs... "The Because I Love You" blog ended up being the place where I would cut my teeth writing and meet all sorts of friends near and far away.<br />
<br />
I've been in a season of change the days. A season that has led me to this moment when I write about merging and moving my blog(s) [All Three Of Them] from Blogger to Wordpress.<br />
<br />
Bittersweet? Nah... I find the Wordpress tools more versatile and admit I still have much to learn. I'm excited to be transitioning. It is a bit like physically moving. Cleaning out my closet--so to speak-- IMAGINE. After all this time I'm moving forward.<br />
<br />
So, in the future if you would like to find me, please log onto <a href="http://www.michellebentham.org/">www.michellebentham.org</a>. I will be removing my posts after I get everything up and running in my new digs!<br />
<br />
Join me there and lets continue this journey together! The new blog has a new title - all the old titles can be found there, but the difference is... :) ... The new title represents this new season of my life: "Redeemed... Restored... Released | One Woman's Story of Living Free"<br />
<br />
Love you all and thanks for following along... You know I do!<br />
<br />
For those who are new to my writing--First, Welcome! Hang in there and keep checking back I am "cleaning out the closets of my blogs..." The best is yet to come!<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqG6pgzD7he6GGjl8NNQHsaqh5cL88NsrJ2ISyeCfTEdqpIaeI9FdB0p7TgoJJFMU5nSPk_lLFrDkB-eGSickwNTMpMB1yclhiY0Z7VA01ewFg_WEslUAiv4pyqoNcMRzY9BP0AFmx_w/s1600-h/1+Blog+Signature.jpg"><img alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqG6pgzD7he6GGjl8NNQHsaqh5cL88NsrJ2ISyeCfTEdqpIaeI9FdB0p7TgoJJFMU5nSPk_lLFrDkB-eGSickwNTMpMB1yclhiY0Z7VA01ewFg_WEslUAiv4pyqoNcMRzY9BP0AFmx_w/s200/1+Blog+Signature.jpg" style="float: left; height: 140px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 200px;" /></a><br />
<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYDJN_Icm_IJdYHcQ5hsiLSSBb9vceWu522lv0wE8J5G7rdKooMfwfDx07x6DTpDsw2JmyH2lSznxyXIloxSV2K2I0o4apWHRwElE5R3LcfZACF2SRWiorjiZxAYsuieJMzHe8PxhSNw/s1600-h/1+Blog+Signature.jpg"></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-34697897040963893072010-04-19T21:07:00.000-07:002010-04-19T21:07:08.691-07:00I've been busy... <br />
<br />
We missed a couple of weeks of Return to Intimacy and since then have had one thing after another happen that has kept us from attending, but we continue to do the work.<br />
<br />
Our most recent endeavor has been the TANKLESS WATER HEATER. A picture will eventually follow. We now have one. My hubs and dad installed the new compact water heater and disassembled and removed the old one.<br />
<br />
The joys of home ownership ... Can I tell you? <br />
<br />
We spent the last week shuttling ourselves and various bath products and family members back and forth to my in-laws to shower every other day. On the days in between I would boil water, sponge bathe and wash my hair slumped over the edge of the bathtub. CAN. YOU. SAY. UNDIGNIFIED?<br />
<br />
I don't mind. It could be worse. RIGHT? <br />
<br />
So tonight, the tankless water heater was not adequately heating only the water that is going to the BATHTUBS. IMAGINE. It gets steamy in any sink in the house, but barely warm enough to stand in the shower. <br />
<br />
Things that make you go HMMMM. My dad who has three years experience with this tankless variety of water heater is coming on Wednesday to help us troubleshoot the issue.<br />
<br />
I'll let you know how it comes out. I will also let you know how it effects our water and our electric bill. I'm very curious about the outcome there. <br />
<br />
Well, it is just a day in our life -- ya' know? <br />
<br />
My hubs is my hero. He never ceases to try new things simply because I tell him he can do - sans, a tankless water heater is now installed without the cost of labor. <br />
<br />
Praise the Lord for my MAN!<br />
<br />
ON behalf of my better half,<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" style="float: left; height: 185px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 400px;" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-87505076831734888712010-03-12T09:56:00.000-08:002010-03-12T09:56:47.018-08:00Return to Intimacy - Week ThreeWhat can I say about week three's homework? Two hours. That's a place to start. <div><br />
</div><div>The weekly meeting was interesting. Scott bumped up against a wound in me that left me stung, stunned and struggling to keep my emotions in check throughout the meeting on Sunday. </div><div><br />
</div><div>It happened in the small group discussion at the beginning. We had an agreement. Since I tend to dominate - I told him I would not share in group unless he spoke first. So when they asked the question "How did your homework go this week...."</div><div><br />
</div><div>Scott piped up and said... "It went." </div><div><br />
</div><div>He looked at me. "Well, I mean we got through it, but it wasn't easy." He gave this exaggerated look like the entire ordeal was horrible. OUCH.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I later began to share about what we learned when we talked about time... </div><div><br />
</div><div>"Our definitions of Quality Time are different."</div><div><br />
</div><div>He interjects..."Yeah, we discovered there are not enough hours in the week for her."</div><div><br />
</div><div>OUCH. AGAIN.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I retorted, "That's not true."</div><div><br />
</div><div>The truth was, anger was bubbling under the surface a that moment. I went on and described the reaction I had to the first question from last week's homework and tried to ignore the fact that Scott's responses struck me as smug and insensitive. I felt they were painting me in a bad light. I overall felt we had a good week, with good progress - the homework was difficult, the discussions that we had about the deep things in our relationship had been really encouraging. I just couldn't understand why he said such harsh things about me in the group.</div><div><br />
</div><div>We watched the video about Anger... and how it is destructive if not handled appropriately. </div><div><br />
</div><div>APPROPRIATE.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I got in the car and with tears in my eyes asked Scott why it seems he never says anything kind about me in public. His response, "I don't know."</div><div><br />
</div><div>I ended up sharing the overall feeling I had that he just didn't like me. </div><div><br />
</div><div>He admitted he probably needs to weigh his words more carefully. We ended that conversation at least with an understanding of where each of us was on the subject.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I asked him before we entered the house - "When will we do our homework this week?"</div><div><br />
</div><div>He offered Wednesday. I accepted.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Wednesday came and I was concerned that we wouldn't do our homework because I was angry - and venting about it in a not-so-healthy way. </div><div><br />
</div><div>It stirred me up. I let him have it - both barrels. He shut down, shut me out. I started cleaning and cooking dinner - my emotions settled down and the sink overflowed. He had to be the plumber. He fixed it up good as new. </div><div><br />
</div><div>We ate.</div><div><br />
</div><div> "Are we going to do our homework?"</div><div><br />
</div><div>He said, "Yes, we can, why?"</div><div><br />
</div><div>I said, "I figured you wouldn't want to since we had fought."</div><div><br />
</div><div>He got out his book - we shut off the television and began.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I guess the thing it brought out for me is I am still really angry about a lot of things. I'm hurting over it. And, as a result - I don't trust my husband.</div><div><br />
</div><div>When we finished, I asked: "What do you hear me telling you tonight?"</div><div><br />
</div><div>He said: "I have some work to do earning your trust."</div><div><br />
</div><div>"Are you willing to do it?"</div><div><br />
</div><div>"Yes, I need to."</div><div><br />
</div><div>Let the healing begin. It's a start. A rough start. I feel a bit like a novice bicycle rider trying to get my balance. We've fallen over a few times, but we keep getting back up and trying again.</div><div><br />
</div><div>It's been another difficult but productive week. Please continue to pray.</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'MS Shell Dlg'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: left; height: 185px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 400px;" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-16850897948002276352010-03-06T08:23:00.000-08:002010-03-06T08:44:58.043-08:00Return to Intimacy - Week TwoWell, I'm bringing in the rear of week two today. I've really had to contemplate what has happened this week because to tell you about it fully means disclosing some rather painful stuff. <br />
<br />
What was the disclaimer last week: Early on, Scott and I agreed that if telling our story helped someone else find their way then we'd do it. So, with a very deep breath... I commit to telling it as honest as I know how.<br />
<br />
One year, two months and six days ago (that is 61 weeks) I was sitting in the living room on Sunday night the weekend after Christmas when I asked to borrow Scott's laptop to sign up for a Scripture Memorization challenge at Beth Moore's Living Proof Ministries Blog. What happened next ROCKED. MY. WORLD.<br />
<br />
I was just about to log off when Yahoo messenger popped up a window that said, "_ _ _ _ _ _ is online." [I'm not using the name of the person because I don't honestly believe that is fair to her. But, this is a story that has born its time to be told.] I asked him who this person was and he responded just a friend from an online game he had been playing for a couple of years. I must admit that I was trying in that moment to suppress all the alarms going off in my head. At this point, Scott had never betrayed my trust and I wanted with all my heart to believe it was just as he said.<br />
<br />
I asked him a few more questions, but the one that sticks out in my mind is this: "Do you think it is okay to have private messages online with a woman who is not your wife?"<br />
<br />
His answer dealt me another blow of reality 101: "Isn't it the same as what you do on you blog?"<br />
<br />
OUCH. Take a moment, breathe... Answer a question with a question. "Ask me how many men I am corresponding with about my blog? Or better yet, ask me how many men I'm corresponding with by email or IM because of my blog?"<br />
<br />
He sat there in silence for a moment. "How many?"<br />
<br />
I stated, in a calm and even tone, which was a stretch based on the raging inferno building inside of me. "Two. _ _ _ _ _ , a gentleman from a Christian athlete's organization who emailed me about the use of excerpts from Tony Dungy's speech at the Superbowl breakfast shortly after his son died. He emailed me to thank me for showcasing one of the elements of his organization's ministry and sent me several free DVDs to give away on my blog. We emailed twice and he sent me a package in the mail. The other one is from a man by the last name of _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ who is trying to sell me some kind of coding for my blog. He has contacted me directly twice and I recently told him I would be in touch if I become interested in the service he provides. Outside of that, every single person I have a correspondence relationship with online are women."<br />
<br />
I opened my inbox and asked, "Would you like for me to show you?"<br />
<br />
He quietly sat back quietly shaking his head and said one word. "Oh."<br />
<br />
After he had some time to digest what I had said, he replied. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'll end it."<br />
<br />
About that time the phone rang and I had to go and pick up my daughter from a friend's house. In the car on the short drive across town, I began to process what was really happening. I felt the first tremors of betrayal and fear settling somewhere deep in my soul. Anger began to simmer and indignation started to rear it's ugly head. I could hardly fathom that his excuse for entertaining this kind of relationship with a woman was my blog. MY BLOG. Yes, it was the time I spent on my blog that gave him the notion that I was entertaining all types online. But, MY BLOG. Where I write about God and my love for God and my life with God and my family and our journey and...MY. BLOG.<br />
<br />
Once home I sent my daughter inside and dialed my cell phone with a trembling hand. "Hi, _ _ _ _. I need you to pray. I don't even know what is happening right now. I don't even know what it means, but I need you to pray that I will forgive Scott before I walk back in this house. Our marriage is in trouble and if I don't have forgiveness in my heart when I go back in there I'm going to blow my marriage right out of the water."<br />
<br />
_ _ _ _ prayed. As she asked God for mercy and truth to come to light, I heard my Daddy speak to my heart. He said, "I'll forgive him."<br />
<br />
In truth, He already had done the forgiving on Calvary more than 2,000 years ago. I opened my mouth and here is what came out, "Father God, please forgive Scott for whatever it is that he has done because I don't even know what that is. Forgive him because right now I can't, but God, work that forgiveness out in me because I want to save my marriage."<br />
<br />
I went back in the house and began the tough questions. Why, How Long, Who...<br />
<br />
The answers were vague, frustrating. He soft pedaled it. He was actually online when I got back which landed me in a confused state. I finally asked, "Do you email each other, too?" <br />
<br />
His answer, "Yes."<br />
<br />
"Well, I want to see them."<br />
<br />
My expectation was for him to open his inbox and show me right there, but he did not. He said, instead as he closed his laptop. "I will show you. But, I've turned it off already."<br />
<br />
The next two days were quiet and busy. We disassembled Christmas decorations and stored them away in the attic. Scott had taken the battery out of his laptop and placed it prominently on his bedside table. I saw it there Monday night and asked, "What is that doing on the table?"<br />
<br />
The longer he waited to respond to my request to see the emails the more suspicious I became. He told me he was going to prove to himself he would not use his computer online for an entire week.<br />
<br />
My response, "What about those emails?"<br />
<br />
"I'll show them to you after I do this."<br />
<br />
It was largely insufficient and left me to my ruminations and imagination which is far worse than anything that could really ever happen.<br />
<br />
By Wednesday morning, New Year's Eve, I was in a fit over the delay. He came out early in the morning and said, "Hey, I'm going out for a while."<br />
<br />
My honest-to-God first thought was, "Will you be taking your laptop?"<br />
<br />
But, I asked another question. "Is this really your plan?"<br />
<br />
He said, "What?"<br />
<br />
"To torture me with the suspense of not knowing what is in those emails while you pretend it is no big deal..."<br />
<br />
He got angry. I went on... "Do you really intend to leave me in the middle of this mess imagining the worst when you could end that by letting me see the truth with my own eyes?"<br />
<br />
He bowed up then deflated. "Get your computer."<br />
<br />
I pulled my laptop into the bedroom and sat with him on our bed. The house was quiet as the girls were asleep and the televisions were off. I pulled up Yahoo and allowed him to enter his login information. His mailbox popped onto the screen and I opened it. To my surprise there were no emails from her immediately visible. <i>HMMMM... Maybe, this was innocent after all. </i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
I said, "Where are the emails?"<br />
<br />
He took the computer and turned it away from me and said, "Let me see."<br />
<br />
The hesitation and the fact that he turned the screen away from me caused me to say, "Here, let me try."<br />
<br />
I took the computer back, turned the screen back to him and typed one word in the search box. "_ _ _ _ _ _."<br />
<br />
I asked one question. "Before I open these I'm going to ask you one more time, what kind of relationship do you have?"<br />
<br />
His response, "She's just a friend."<br />
<br />
My heart pounded wildly as the search produced more than two hundred email exchanges. I clicked on the first one... then another. I read terms of affection and sweet little pet names. He signed a few "Your Cowboy." And a few had the tell-tell signs of a strikethrough line indicating they were in the trash bin. Some bore the marks of "XOXO..." and the betrayal was clear. Photos were exchanged and more and more intimate details of our life. He had complained to her about me, and our marriage. <br />
<br />
I began reading them aloud and the mingling of pain and rage erupted like volcanic forewarnings. The shaking had begun. He started to leave and I said, "SIT DOWN."<br />
<br />
He did. That is when I saw it. "It was good talking to you last night."<br />
<br />
Hold the phone. "You've had conversations by phone?"<br />
<br />
He nodded. "Call her right now, I want to talk to her."<br />
<br />
He did exactly what I asked. I would later learn that he had spent the few hours he'd been alone that week systematically setting up a new email address and forwarding as well as directing future correspondence from her to this new email. We deleted the accounts.<br />
<br />
By the end of the afternoon the relationship was revealed as a deeply entangled emotional affair. They had never met face to face nor, based on both of their claims, had they intended to do so.<br />
<br />
He ended it with her on the phone and I advised her to tell her husband about the incident. I administered a strong warning. Stay away from my husband. And, with that I advised her to tell her own husband about the relationship she had with Scott. I ended the call.<br />
<br />
It took several days of just hacking out the reality of our situation. It was a six month relationship that involved hours and hours of emotional and relational investment in the form of spoken and written words. Something he attested to me he was incapable of doing for me in our ten years of marriage.<br />
<br />
It also clearly displayed the fact that I had severely neglected his needs. The first thing I did after we got off the phone with her was apologize. Then I asked some questions about what this meant about us. He made it clear he had thought about ending our marriage, but didn't really want to do so.<br />
<br />
We talked a lot and at some points his heart seemed tender while at other times he seemed put out and angry that he had gotten caught. He gave me full access to his email and the game where he had met her. I asked for some pretty strict boundaries to be set. 1.) No more game - at least not as the character he had been playing in the online virtual world. Which ended up being NO MORE GAME. 2.) Chaperone service on his cell phones and 3.) Full access to his inbox.<br />
<br />
I also asked for marriage counseling and finally a few weeks later told him that I didn't want to spend the next year hashing out and making him pay for what was happening between us. I went to him with my heart in my hands and said, "You know we need to deal with the messy stuff when it comes up, but in between I want to work on us being us again. Work on our relationship and making us better."<br />
<br />
And, as I said in other posts. I am not without blame. Manipulation and control have been my game for longer than I can remember. In truth, I didn't know what was wrong with our marriage or why he often seemed distant and aloof. After years of begging him to talk to me about it, I became pious and self-righteously indignant. A martyr for my love. I turned to God and said, "If Scott won't be my husband, Jesus is my Bridegroom. I will just turn to God and GOD. CAN. TAKE. CARE. OF. SCOTT."<br />
<br />
I set him up to fail me. After all, who can really compete with a perfect Bridegroom. I wore my offense under my vest and proclaimed my husband trustworthy and myself lucky to have him. All of these words belied by the true circumstances of my marriage.<br />
<br />
The truth is for this one indiscretion on Scott's account there are hundreds of offenses on my side of the camp. I came close to a similar offense a few years back when a godly man spoke flatteringly of me to my children. The alarms in my Spirit went off and set me running to Scott confessing that had I been in a different place I might have slipped into an indiscretion of my own.<br />
<br />
It was the summer before my son died and this man came and ministered to my son. He took an interest in all of my children while working on a week-long project fixing up a friend of mine's house. Our church was sponsoring this group's ministry and so my kids and I spent several days helping out and going to the evening youth services in a neighboring town.<br />
<br />
This man was attractive, attentive and he also was kind. He said nice things to and about me. He did all the things I wanted Scott to do for my son and he said things I longed to hear from my husband about me. Then one night at the youth service, my kids were invited to come to the circle prayer time after the service. I agreed to let them attend. We sang worship and were invited to pair up for prayer. I was headed for my oldest daughter when this man grasped my hand. I felt awkward and I was afraid to pull away...In truth it kind of excited me and I didn't want to pull away.<br />
<br />
I knew it was wrong to pray with him because Scott and I did not regularly pray together at that time. But, not wanting to make a scene I engaged him. He prayed over me and my family while I prayed over his. The only way I can describe it is intoxicating. I found myself looking forward to seeing him the next few days and wrote him a heartfelt letter of thanks for all he did for my friend and our kids.<br />
<br />
On the last night, he was sitting at one end of the table and I at the other. He was talking about how pretty I was and telling my kids they should be proud to have such "hot" godly mom. The sentence didn't seem to fit really. In the car, my girls started saying, "Momma, _ _ _ _ was totally flirting with you."<br />
<br />
BUSTED. By my own kids. They were excited because they all had a crush on him. I said, "I'm sorry you saw that I was hoping you wouldn't notice."<br />
<br />
"But, it doesn't hurt anything to flirt right?"<br />
<br />
The girls were all in unison as they spoke.<br />
<br />
My heart seized with conviction. "Girls.... No. It is not ever okay. I shouldn't have let him do that. He has a wife and I have Scott - that is not innocent. It could be hurtful and ugly and tear two families apart. I'm sorry that you saw that."<br />
<br />
That's when I knew I had to tell Scott. I did, and he seemed to understand. <br />
<br />
A few months later when Justin's accident happened. A friend of mine who knew _ _ _ _ and the connection he had made with J called him. He came and spoke at the funeral. We apologized to each other at that time and I introduced him to my husband. And for a brief moment we were friends - just friends - he wept with me as we went in to see my son's body in the casket and he shared how Justin's life impacted him. We sat for a long time talking about Justin and then he left. At the funeral he spoke and left and we have not been in touch with one another again.<br />
<br />
Add to that the irresponsible way I've handled money. Each time it would come up, I could hear a line Ethel delivered to Lucy on that famous black and white comedy series... "How can you stand here in the middle of all this mess and utter those four horrible words. 'I'VE GOT AN IDEA....'?"<br />
<br />
I was a mess, a handful and a disaster waiting to happen most of the time. I did feel lucky to have Scott in my life, but I still longed for something deeper in our relationship.<br />
<br />
This week I had a breakthrough. Alan is not only my oversight pastor at work... We are distantly related as cousins. We never really had known each other before we started working together, but the fact remains we have my grandma's bloodline between us.<br />
<br />
He asked me how things are in my marriage this week during our weekly catch up time. My response... "I think I've been too easy on Scott."<br />
<br />
I mean he still has no clue to the fact that what he gave her is what I need. And, to make matters worse when I nailed him down the night before about why he did it, he said at first it was just a game. He broke my heart because he was playing. And, if that was true then she was just his victim, too.<br />
<br />
Alan said, "What we focus on has control over us. If you are in bondage to the idea that what he gave her is real then yes, you are bound up by the fact that he gave her something that you want and need."<br />
<br />
I listened... cautiously. I didn't really want to admit that was true, but it sounded true. [I'm chuckling at that statement.]<br />
<br />
He then explained why the allure of pornography is so captivating to men. He said men are drawn to the safety of an ideal woman who requires nothing of them. No investment, no risk... No rejection....No failure...etc.<br />
<br />
He said, "What he gave her was an illusion of who he is - it has to be, because the truth is he is not capable of giving anyone anything real."<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">He then went on to explain that something she did met a need he had so he kept up the illusion of himself to keep her engaged because what was happening was thrilling to him.</div><div><br />
</div><br />
He also shared that based on my description it sounded like Scott is incapable of initiating which means that he is likely been stripped of the true masculine in his nature - or it has never been imparted to him. He said, and the problem with that is men go to women seeking that which only a man can give them. Only a man can impart to a man the true masculinity that he needs to identify himself as truly masculine.<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><br />
The truth is, most men never receive it. Most men don't know what it is they need or how it is received. They spend their lives turning to woman after woman looking for their identity and the truth is only a man can give them what they need as they impart the blessing of masculinity from God.<br />
<br />
Alan said, "You can be set free if you would only realize that you don't want what he gave her because what he gave her wasn't real."<br />
<br />
<br />
It produced a dialogue with Scott that evening that led me to tell him what Alan and I talked about. Then I told him, "If what Alan said is true and what you had with _ _ _ _ _ _ wasn't real then I've been wrong because I DON'T want what you gave her if it wasn't real. I want you. Just you."<br />
<br />
My sweet husband was terribly sick at that moment. He was wrapped in a blanket at the table eating chicken noodle soup when he inched his chair closer to mine and slipped his hand from beneath the hem of the blanket and grasped my hand.<br />
<br />
And, then I said something that only he would understand fully how shocking it truly was... "And, when I ask you about what happened and why you did it, and you tell me - 'I don't know.' It is very likely just that - because you don't know. And, if that is the truth then I am sorry I've been angry with you because I've been wrong."<br />
<br />
We talked some more and I asked him questions about his sense of being and how he related to women. To my delight he answered the questions. I could see us digging around in the sand and unearthing revelation for him in those moments.<br />
<br />
Finally, I said the most important thing of the night. "Scott, you have been going to women and turning to what you think "men do" to find your identity and to fill a deep need in you that only a man can help you discover. I can't meet that need for you, but I know some men who can. Your father can't even impart this to you if he doesn't have it. And, you can't give it to Travis if you don't have it. Would you please consider meeting with Pastor Tommy about this?"<br />
<br />
He's thinking about it.<br />
<br />
Our homework this week was still challenging, but useful. It helped us to see our differences and it helped Scott to see that he overlooks my need while I saw that my expectations may be unrealistic.<br />
<br />
The funniest moment was when we answered the first question. We were supposed to name one area we would like our spouse to work on this week. We had gone over this question in the group on Sunday and I answered it. "Validation. I need you to validate the fact that I am a priority in your life."<br />
<br />
He had said, "I don't know. I can't think of anything."<br />
<br />
When we landed on that question in our homework he asked me my answer and I said, "I told you on Sunday, do you remember?"<br />
<br />
"No. Would you tell me again?"<br />
<br />
So, I told him.<br />
<br />
Then I asked for his answer. "Maybe you should listen a little more."<br />
<br />
I sat there dumbfounded. After the previous exchange we had to hear those words I just felt like saying, "Are you kidding me?" <br />
<br />
I didn't but I thought it for a split second. The look on my face must have been a doozie because he asked, "What?"<br />
<br />
I said, "Nothing, let's go on."<br />
<br />
The exercises were productive and felt very real for a change. He was sensitive and listened. I was able to finally convey to him what meeting my need for quality time means.<br />
<br />
Sometimes... This journey is scary because change is scary. But, right now the picture I have of myself is strapped to a bungee cord, holding onto Scott for dear life while we jump off a bridge into free fall. Where we are cannot be where we stay, but where we are headed right now is so unclear - so uncharted that sometimes I get anxious just thinking about it.<br />
<br />
Please keep praying. We feel the prayers.<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: left; height: 185px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 400px;" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-4810760690223038012010-02-28T08:50:00.000-08:002010-02-28T08:50:53.035-08:00Return to Intimacy: Off to ClassIf you are reading today, please offer up a prayer on our behalf. Our second group meeting is today at Noon.<br />
<br />
Some of the things I am thinking about this morning are how scary it is to go into group discussion with Scott. He typically doesn't like to talk about personal issues even when we are alone, and well...In a group full of almost strangers, Forget it.<br />
<br />
So, I'm a little unsettled. I'm also mulling over what we learned during our explosive, emotional episode after last week's meeting. I must admit I am not sure we resolved anything - even though I feel like I've released the issues that it drew up in my heart. I guess time and our working through this together will tell.<br />
<br />
I guess this week as I go in I'm cautiously optimistic. I'll be back soon to share insights and issues raised in this week's session. Lord, open the eyes of our hearts. Allow us to see each other as you see us. Give us a word and revelation about the next step in our journey and most of all open our hearts and fill us with your love toward one another.<br />
<br />
In Jesus name...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" style="float: left; height: 185px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 400px;" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-47862640415113606502010-02-22T21:27:00.000-08:002010-02-22T21:27:39.107-08:00Return to Intimacy - Week OneI can hardly believe that it has been a short lifetime... Well, if you are an infant it is a short lifetime since I last wrote here at the RANCH.<br />
<br />
The last week of December was "sick" central at our house. Taylor was ill and then Scott got a pretty harsh case of the flu. To make matters worse, we were landing on the 365th day since all hell broke loose in our marriage and I was feeling just a little put out by the entire ordeal. <br />
<br />
If I'm confessing, my emotional irrationality and my wounded heart finally erupted. It was Saturday, January 2nd and man was I in a mood. We were on our way out the door to a family reunion at my parents when something he did triggered my "I'm-mad-as-hell-and-not-going-to-take-it-anymore" persona. I don't even think it was that big a deal, honestly.<br />
<br />
She showed up in a full on. UGLY. RAGE.<br />
<br />
I told him I was tired of waking up every day pretending everything in our marriage was fine and acting like last year had never happened. I was tired of dealing with the ugly feelings that still surface even now a year later when he was responsible. In short, I said, "I want to stand on the roof and in the middle of rooms full of people we know and tell people that you are simply not as great as they think you are."<br />
<br />
I told you it was UGLY. It spewed out of me like a bad case of food poisoning. EMOTIONAL. VOMIT. EVERYWHERE.<br />
<br />
Hold up... This post definitely needs a warning. I am posting this for two reasons. <br />
<br />
1.) Because all marriages have "junk" stored in a closet somewhere in their house of history. I mean seriously, if you don't have a few past issues, regrets, differences and points of contention in your marriage then I would like to meet you because I need some help. God's purpose are always redemptive, and so I am writing this to illuminate how He is redeeming the time in our marriage.<br />
<br />
2.) Because when "all hell broke loose" in our marriage some 60 weeks ago... Scott and I agreed that we would tell our story if it would help others find their way. So... If your marriage has never been a ship in a fog storm headed for the rocks, read on at your own risk. 'Cause this is the story of Titanic proportions and it is one only God has been able to steer away from the rocky coastline into calmer waters.<br />
<br />
So back to my FULL. ON. UGLY. RAGE.<br />
<br />
A year ago when this mess all came to light, which obviously we both knew there were significant problems in our relationship leading into December. It's just that on December 28, 2008 the lid came off the boiling pot and overflowed filling the house with stinch and opening our eyes to how bad things really were. <br />
<br />
The last year has been a season in which we both had to make life-changing choices. We both had to decide what we were in this marriage for and if we both were committed to hauling this clunker down to the body shop to get her fixed up good as new.<br />
<br />
It was a season of testing for our marriage and a season of growth. It was a season of facing reality and coming face to face with the really ugly and soulish sides of our human natures.<br />
<br />
Very early on, though, we made a commitment to making our marriage better day by day and only dealing with the hard junk as it came up. Well, I guess I had about enough of our deal. <br />
<br />
Cause January 2nd seemed to be "JUDGMENT DAY." And, to quote a cliche' "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."<br />
<br />
My statement that day was really an ultimatum - some might call it manipulation, but my heart wasn't trying to get my way - I call it a line in the sand kind of moment. I needed something to change and something quick. I'm not even so high on myself to believe that this something might just be someone. ME.<br />
<br />
At any rate, I needed Scott to step up and man up. I needed him to stand for us and to take some responsibility for the mess that I really felt was landing squarely on my shoulders most of the time.<br />
<br />
I said, "You have exactly 30 days to step in and start working on what is broken in this marriage and your part of that or else we're going to marriage counseling."<br />
<br />
One year ago, I asked him to go with me to marriage counseling and he didn't want to go. He said he wasn't comfortable. I went in for ministry sessions at the church instead. And, he attended Freedom Ministry classes. We started dating again. Spending time together. Loving on each other and really just trying to rediscover what we had been drawn to about each other more than a decade ago.<br />
<br />
So... I had given it time. Lots of time and I needed some answers.<br />
<br />
This week, we've set out on a journey that is a little bit scary for both of us and a lot of work. Emotionally exhausting, soul-searching dig up the past by it's roots and throw what is not useful, beneficial or healthy into the fire and watch it burn kind of work.<br />
<br />
THANK. GOD. HE'S. IN. THIS. WITH. US. THANK. GOD.<br />
<br />
<b style="color: #cc0000;">Return to Intimacy </b>is an eight week small group experience based on the teachings of Jimmy and Karen Evans from <a href="http://www.marriagetoday.org/site/PageServer?pagename=mtrl_sex_and_intimacy">Marriage Today</a>. It is brand new, and has not even been released for publication yet - so the under score here is - it is largely uncharted territory.<br />
<br />
It is designed to uncover problem areas in our relationship that keep us from living in the oneness that God created us to live in. To explore these areas by opening the doors of communication and stepping forward as we submit these things to God and learn how to help one another grow and live fully in the blessings God has for our marriage.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was day one. I'm not even kidding you when I tell you we are still feeling a bit of the after shocks from yesterday's shaking. <br />
<br />
We went to the class. We listened. We watched a video. We filled out an "all about us" slip of paper and we left quickly through the side door.<br />
<br />
On the way home, we had a rough conversation about one of the discussion questions. I had openly answered the question in the group setting, but Scott had remained his usual stoic self.<br />
<br />
I asked him anything from the morning's experience had impacted him and he said, "I don't know."<br />
<br />
Those words hit me right in my heart when he says them. All most every question I ask him results in this answer, and it is part of the reason I am asking for marriage counseling if we don't find some ground to stand on in this together.<br />
<br />
I fought back the tears of defeat welling in my eyes and quietly asked, "What is it that makes you feel insecure?"<br />
<br />
OUCH. Does not even begin to convey the sting I felt when he answered. He was being honest and it offended me. Mostly because we've had this discussion hundreds of times and he has never let it go. Now, that's a horse of a different color because I am usually beating a horse to death about a grievance not the other way around.<br />
<br />
His answer. "When you question everything I do."<br />
<br />
He is referring to the fact that if we head out somewhere I ask, "Why are you going this way?"<br />
<br />
I'm mostly looking for direction on what to expect. It helps me feel safe and keeps me from growing frustrated if the trip takes longer than normal. To him, however, it says, "I don't trust you to even get me to our destination efficiently or safely."<br />
<br />
If you are guessing communication is a big issue for us. You hit it right on the nose, friend. It is a killer in our relationship.<br />
<br />
He is also referring to the fact that I am insecure about EVERYTHING. I'm reading Beth Moore's book, "So Long Insecurity" and relishing every word. I'm a dead ringer for a case study in Insecurity.<br />
<br />
Tag the emotional wounds I've been nursing since our boil over moment last year and the fact that we both know my love languages are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. Well, I'm just a time bomb waiting to go off when you start lambasting me with you do everything wrong. It doesn't even have to be "everything," it could be anything. But, the truth is he stated it outright. When she does this I feel insecure. OUCH.<br />
<br />
I responded like a cornered dog plagued by past abuse. I lashed out hard, loud and with malice of forethought all the way. We raised our voices, used choice words, and hit each others hot buttons until you'd of thought the NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST was upon us. It was an emotionally violent storm. The perfect storm that has been brewing for eleven years.<br />
<br />
Awash in tears and those others messy fluids nasty emotions seem to bring out, I was still hopelessly defending myself when he said, "I'M DONE."<br />
<br />
He hates conflict of any kind and would bite off his own tongue before having a conversation that gets anyone, including his own temper up. I know his buttons and I start pushing, because almost always the hot button moments are when the truth really comes out. I need to know the truth. He let me have it. With both barrels loaded for bear, he fired off the list. <br />
<br />
I ended up apologizing and asking forgiveness for every single thing he accused me of doing. I didn't know what else to do. I only created bigger offenses trying to explain to him that what he was hearing wasn't what I wanted to say. That just made things worse. So, I bit my tongue and flushed out some humility hoping to put an end to the emotional turmoil being stirred up inside of me. <br />
<br />
After about two hours of this gut-wrenching mess. I went and laid down on the couch and cried those aching silent tears I've been sitting on for months. He came out, kissed me on the cheek and apologized for being harsh with me. I apologized again for being so wound up and angry. He left me there in a puddle of my own tears. <br />
<br />
As I cried, I realized he never even addressed what he does that brings out my insecurities. I went toward the bedroom and opened the door. <br />
<br />
What I saw sealed up the door to my heart tight. I was done now.<br />
<br />
He was laying casually on the bed like nothing had happened and was watching the race. <br />
<br />
For heaven's sake... I thought. I'm trying to save our marriage and all he cares about is the stinkin' race.<br />
<br />
I asked for the keys to the Explorer and told him I was leaving. I needed desperately to get the heck out of Dodge before I said something I'd regret forever.<br />
<br />
His response forced an answer, "What do you mean leaving?"<br />
<br />
I simply said it the best I could. Between sobs and tears I spilled my guts. "I'm done. I've got to get away and think. I can't do this anymore. I've got to get out of here. I've got to get away and think."<br />
<br />
My heart was miles ahead of my body. It was headed for the hills to hold up in a self-built stronghold that would help me deny the pain and rationalize my response. I turned toward the bathroom and our closet looking for some shoes when the phone rang. <br />
<br />
Scott's mom had called and while he spoke with her on the phone... Clarity moved in.<br />
<br />
It mostly came by way of the bathroom mirror while I was rummaging around for shoes. Running away is never the answer. "You, dear girl, are one half responsible for this mess and you are not allowed to run away from it."<br />
<br />
I heard the words of my Daddy God loud and clear. It was time to face the music and do some forgiving myself. I sat down and gave him the list of "I choose by my will to forgive you for..."<br />
<br />
I don't know how many items I ran through, but I made a complete list and released him from the consequences of those actions against me. I apologized again and finally said to him, "Scott, I'm still done with this. I can't do this anymore. If I had in mind that divorce was a reasonable solution, I'd be gone. That is not a threat, that is not saying I'm leaving you or anything else. I'm telling you I can't live like this anymore."<br />
<br />
He came to me after I collapsed in a weary heap on the floor. I confessed my fear and my weariness to him. I asked him for help again. He came to my aid. We lay on our bed in utter silence while the bright winter sunshine streamed through our bedroom windows setting the room aglow. Eventually we napped and sweetly surrendered to reconciliation and oneness in a make up sort of way. It's definitely not over but we are at least back on the roadway and working our way forward again.<br />
<br />
We covet your prayers, and appreciate your coming along for the ride.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" style="float: left; height: 185px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 400px;" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-39778249219024493942009-08-22T07:03:00.000-07:002009-08-22T07:04:55.577-07:00Just the Same<span style="font-family:georgia;"><em>It's been a while since I've posted here. It seems life has taken over and I don't have as much time as I would like to write about our dream... But, have no fear we are still believing and dreaming! We are.<br /><br />Today is our anniversary and I thought I would share my memories of our wedding with you today!<br /></em></span><br /><div align="center"><em>August 22, 1998</em></div><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="justify"><em>Eleven years ago this very day, Saturday - August 22, 1998, Scott and I left Justin, Texas in separate vehicles headed to Granbury to spend the day preparing for our wedding. We married in a quiet little bed and breakfast just off the square called "The Secret Garden." It was an enchanting old house with a loft bedroom upstairs, a large bedroom suite downstairs and a private hide-away cottage where we would spend the night out back. </em></div><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb-HcMA045uFyzHykBm_wqbMxTpWvFCV27e7roqZdzbFQyNSqjHEqpC1IBGcbmNNWEa1bZe_AyRSwhdQkimr8-BLMoTZuBJatgFlc_u-pjecTsIvkRyMAfzJ160dxTvHCM9eX4TzRDpg/s1600-h/Dance+8.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 266px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372787123754469122" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb-HcMA045uFyzHykBm_wqbMxTpWvFCV27e7roqZdzbFQyNSqjHEqpC1IBGcbmNNWEa1bZe_AyRSwhdQkimr8-BLMoTZuBJatgFlc_u-pjecTsIvkRyMAfzJ160dxTvHCM9eX4TzRDpg/s400/Dance+8.jpg" /></a><br /><em><br /><p align="justify">That day we were surrounded by our children - Justin, Brittany, Travis, Taylor and Megan- who were dressed in our colors of blue and white western w and stood with us as we vowed before God, our family and friends to join our lives together in marriage. The faint sound of doves can be heard on our wedding video as they were caged in the arbor just out of sight. I still count it as one of the most exciting and blessed days of my life.</p><br /><p align="justify"></em></p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs13wpefh7f1TIzCpk4WfLDqlgLvLSZSgQ7anYk_jjNcOPEQ_ZgJoSS8VxkuVGxDNxmZhpFvbkAa6zV6lI7WBz_brs2hNzI9Vjei7seWF6682PGWzd1Sf-RJyqu12gB8zY5qMkH0F8SQ/s1600-h/Dance+4.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 256px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372768730936507506" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs13wpefh7f1TIzCpk4WfLDqlgLvLSZSgQ7anYk_jjNcOPEQ_ZgJoSS8VxkuVGxDNxmZhpFvbkAa6zV6lI7WBz_brs2hNzI9Vjei7seWF6682PGWzd1Sf-RJyqu12gB8zY5qMkH0F8SQ/s400/Dance+4.jpg" /></a> <em>Back then, I hoped we had what it would take to stand the test of time, but I really didn't know. I was hopelessly romantic. Couple that with a tattered, torn and broken heart and life and I just felt lucky to be there. Like I was living a dream. And, I was. The fairy tale I had dreamed of my whole life. Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome with his hat, his boots and his Wranglers ride in to rescue me and take me off into happily ever after.</em><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCaz3hb4jTZDuCPddHpWhjNMvYvDWlLIcNd3cV-71RRjU67YGCAVSoLB_67iXV1BMJ8rpmeJGkDQvW69taQrU3dZXRkeUTa9C-dbIT0t-F2zRi9p5DA77k4xqd7PV_97xoqiTeEcz_Pw/s1600-h/Dance+3.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 257px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372768719811153602" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCaz3hb4jTZDuCPddHpWhjNMvYvDWlLIcNd3cV-71RRjU67YGCAVSoLB_67iXV1BMJ8rpmeJGkDQvW69taQrU3dZXRkeUTa9C-dbIT0t-F2zRi9p5DA77k4xqd7PV_97xoqiTeEcz_Pw/s400/Dance+3.jpg" /></a> <em>If someone would have told me then what happily ever would have looked like I might have run for the hills... But, as I said, I'm hopeless in the lofty dreams of fairy tale endings. My friend, Cheryl took me to my mother's home and we visited her hairdresser where we laughed and talked and I felt the first jangles of nerves dancing around inside of me. When she spun me around and I saw the exact hairstyle I had selected from the magazine I knew it was going to be the perfect day.</em><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiptdIXb3lnS3gkdiXfCPEfn-dB__pQaTh5X6YKc3NYxX5wkDuwexRBCoIf9_piwAu9yEhuGXlLvWXPlfVQCbB6wYeplrEpiITBRzLfpJqU3vUCPKX2XxzGZIgpIjUTEOEZBfJ1I8b7BQ/s1600-h/Dance+2.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 288px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372768715875885730" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiptdIXb3lnS3gkdiXfCPEfn-dB__pQaTh5X6YKc3NYxX5wkDuwexRBCoIf9_piwAu9yEhuGXlLvWXPlfVQCbB6wYeplrEpiITBRzLfpJqU3vUCPKX2XxzGZIgpIjUTEOEZBfJ1I8b7BQ/s400/Dance+2.jpg" /></a> <em>Once we arrived back at my parent's home, Momma took me downstairs and opened up her small cased of precious jewelry. She handed me a pearl necklace and a pearl earrings before slipping off the first wedding ring my father gave her for me to wear on my right hand. I gathered up the other miscellaneous things, kissed my family goodbye and ran off to the bed and breakfast to decorate, to bathe, to try to relax and to wait.</em><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO5OWbg84kPUcJL8BFMq7Uxc6y-TFq3MlBYHYgWTMMzudFLrrng8-bSdBtk2CRTFsgZ-uXi0J4fjTDHdL1wm3Q68zTgBFY-44zsNvtGr2vpoD6GXwACGVwli_EoNE30FIEnknby-yIRw/s1600-h/Dance+4.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 256px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372768706186521794" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO5OWbg84kPUcJL8BFMq7Uxc6y-TFq3MlBYHYgWTMMzudFLrrng8-bSdBtk2CRTFsgZ-uXi0J4fjTDHdL1wm3Q68zTgBFY-44zsNvtGr2vpoD6GXwACGVwli_EoNE30FIEnknby-yIRw/s400/Dance+4.jpg" /></a> <em>The afternoon began to wane as we finished afixing the simple bows and swags of blue and white roses to the arbor and the railings in the back yard. It was, after all, August in Texas and the sweltering heat was at an all time high. Cheryl hussled me into the suite where we assembled our baby girls with coloring books and crayons while their hair dried on the sponge rollers I'd placed in them earlier that day.</em><br /><br /><br /><em></em><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgQXf41HqP2WnHmx9JE_Q-jF6V7WZFiWVoAT6_LtTVXbHdVwDfcN72fmBsRI9P6mKNs5ggRcpmoBz_E5gZJRTvv3-2cr46iU7DTDb9q1puwS83jQ6C93rHsKwYCQUBewCMYT7IzV2w5w/s1600-h/Dance+1.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 266px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372768700677104450" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgQXf41HqP2WnHmx9JE_Q-jF6V7WZFiWVoAT6_LtTVXbHdVwDfcN72fmBsRI9P6mKNs5ggRcpmoBz_E5gZJRTvv3-2cr46iU7DTDb9q1puwS83jQ6C93rHsKwYCQUBewCMYT7IzV2w5w/s400/Dance+1.jpg" /></a><br /><em>Cheryl finally talked me into soaking in the bathtub and letting her take care of the last few details for the day. I remember laying back in that warm, sudsy water and thinking it was absolutely too good of a day to be true. It may not sound like much to you, but for me it was a day I had dreamed of all my life. I was marrying a man that I loved with my whole heart, a man who helped me to feel safe and beautiful - a man to share my life, my dreams and even my sorrows with. A man who would love me in spite of me. And at that moment I realized I was only hours away from marrying Scott Edward Bentham and pledging my life to him. Sweet tears of joy fell in those moments of quiet realization.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I sat there for a long while before getting out and beginning to dress for the ceremony. I pulled out the dress I had hidden away under a garbage bag. It was a light linen sundress that I (and now this is telling) had picked up off the clearance rack at Wal-Mart for $15.00. It was not a high-end bridal gown, but a simple reflection of the life I wanted to live. The dress made me feel beautiful, and that is all I wanted to be. Beautiful before my groom. I allowed the whispy fabric to caress my fingers before turning to the vanity and applying my make-up. The finishing touches were in place when I heard a car door shut in the drive outside. </em><br /><br /><em>My heart began to beat with anticipation as I heard the voices of men echoing on the hot summer breeze. I climbed up and poised myself to spy a quick glance through the window set high in the wall. And that is when it happened... He walked by. My head felt light and my heart danced in my chest. I couldn't even breathe I was so captivated. I whispered, "Soon... Baby... Soon." And felt the warm tears of joy begin to course down my cheeks once again. </em><br /><br /><em>It was within an hour that people began to arrive and filter into the back yard where they took their seats and awaited our arrival. My babies and my best friend from Dallas, Brenda, preceded me down the aisle and I walked on the arm of my father to where Scott waited for me on the lawn. The Justice of the Peace asked, "Who gives this woman to marry this man?"</em><br /><br /><em>And my father's voice broke as he said, "Her children, her mother and I do."</em><br /><br /><em>1 Corinthians 13 was read and a simple ceremony observed before the words, "I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss your bride," were spoken. And that was it... I was now and evermore would be Mrs. Scott Edward Bentham. At around 7:30 PM we were married. And lauded with the cheers and applause of our family and friends. </em><br /><br /><em>Later, my cousin who was also divorced whispered in my ear - you give me hope for myself. I also saw my dad walk up and put an arm around Scott's neck and welcome him as a son. My joy was truly complete that day. Our reception was full of laughter and sweet moments of mingling with family and friends. I would often find myself separated from him, but a quick glance across the room made me smile. At the end of the night, Cheryl put on a sweet song about a man and his wife and how beautiful she was in his eyes. Everyone backed up against the walls and Scott and I danced there under the ceiling fan on the hardwood floors our first dance as husband and wife. </em><br /><br /><em>I treasure the memories of that day. The day a little girl's dream became true. I had married my prince, even if sometimes he seems like a toad, and we have truly found a place where we are more happily ever after than not. I love you, my sweet man. Happy Anniversary Scott... I'd choose you again. I love you.</em><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvUOoystiZP73JM7bcBrT8XqPpDVy8D58bTUmfZiZjcUDMfADLi32QOwI8xTaPLPL-9dZS08oYW0DYNh9unxF0DwwoMEqBC777YiYlm5PWz3H11Qt87ydJ0DYGTcQAQ7UdvstTUo001A/s1600-h/Getting+Hitched.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 261px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780042397268530" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvUOoystiZP73JM7bcBrT8XqPpDVy8D58bTUmfZiZjcUDMfADLi32QOwI8xTaPLPL-9dZS08oYW0DYNh9unxF0DwwoMEqBC777YiYlm5PWz3H11Qt87ydJ0DYGTcQAQ7UdvstTUo001A/s400/Getting+Hitched.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuTeQuV2BRrVmU58HwSLB1m0LS7zlsYDF_BCfCzExjtNQsPK4DL-3lbnQdNt5Uy5zvUamDvVi-8vYHjeDvcguN3CuYBd3_zoYBebLGgz6LeRJ0oaqbhkOPKZ5cg__u8CZh3U6kWMQaYg/s1600-h/Bride+and+Groom.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 366px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780022421376978" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuTeQuV2BRrVmU58HwSLB1m0LS7zlsYDF_BCfCzExjtNQsPK4DL-3lbnQdNt5Uy5zvUamDvVi-8vYHjeDvcguN3CuYBd3_zoYBebLGgz6LeRJ0oaqbhkOPKZ5cg__u8CZh3U6kWMQaYg/s400/Bride+and+Groom.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7qjzQ4EjyLu8cS9LRME_g745hlKKqR_tIuouqacQ4bUUoQYPtXY0LnzB7H_sX04a_w5vewiLfZ2prGMkBfIyK6_sZ0ejM2g4lBpxZ0qPSsejnJVG4ZG5zu6NkaVgK61M7mheQTzWHEw/s1600-h/Join+Hands.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 385px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780867752313394" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7qjzQ4EjyLu8cS9LRME_g745hlKKqR_tIuouqacQ4bUUoQYPtXY0LnzB7H_sX04a_w5vewiLfZ2prGMkBfIyK6_sZ0ejM2g4lBpxZ0qPSsejnJVG4ZG5zu6NkaVgK61M7mheQTzWHEw/s400/Join+Hands.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8aVJy5HKyqpBvYSC844HO1e6eVrLPLxS1N51yWYw02OTfhDN5xWi9YKT0ONDlGSsohShaM0zPMkxGHPBgXZEr0g_rFHzK4EY5kXettarYqYw-5HP8m7bCvFqPiiMOSy91mr6zuC_WrA/s1600-h/Kiss+1.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 296px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780875759408770" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8aVJy5HKyqpBvYSC844HO1e6eVrLPLxS1N51yWYw02OTfhDN5xWi9YKT0ONDlGSsohShaM0zPMkxGHPBgXZEr0g_rFHzK4EY5kXettarYqYw-5HP8m7bCvFqPiiMOSy91mr6zuC_WrA/s400/Kiss+1.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_NTnxHuCAPVy0CP5UPt4GVQXP6dzgKPatcfusCnxhlbgUZzlY8FNhTVmwh4ZTe-3REKBqkmB0TUPSbJKeTIJ0JbEIErbx5t2gb80ePNsQBP-4r0yeKbJE-Dp1MLvPyij997bcjcY4uA/s1600-h/French+Kissing.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 297px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780029608879282" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_NTnxHuCAPVy0CP5UPt4GVQXP6dzgKPatcfusCnxhlbgUZzlY8FNhTVmwh4ZTe-3REKBqkmB0TUPSbJKeTIJ0JbEIErbx5t2gb80ePNsQBP-4r0yeKbJE-Dp1MLvPyij997bcjcY4uA/s400/French+Kissing.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj97AqpH_iLGEgi9ZxexxCpUsbe_0LBzqZYTaZmMKAyQzl4OIgrkh4XBypVefY8blsLocRP24djtHxc6kQU9NT1VRO9aLa4pot2ky7V5j4E9abjGDpzQ8RA73kCFRYUt5t35b7rgi1GOQ/s1600-h/Lean+In.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 284px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780886236328930" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj97AqpH_iLGEgi9ZxexxCpUsbe_0LBzqZYTaZmMKAyQzl4OIgrkh4XBypVefY8blsLocRP24djtHxc6kQU9NT1VRO9aLa4pot2ky7V5j4E9abjGDpzQ8RA73kCFRYUt5t35b7rgi1GOQ/s400/Lean+In.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKVKhbnGcKFR3D92Nob5H2UQLa9aKojuFsO6QE_TxogzXJ5wfxpItvbtiMIGxjoL__7cos7v9hcWsJcQTfYL4JVbkdUAJy3Tx9WUAD7oDA6UgvwUeoXLsZPiqHlSZifQJBoD-gO0i36Q/s1600-h/He+Makes+Me+Laugh.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 276px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780044978881650" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKVKhbnGcKFR3D92Nob5H2UQLa9aKojuFsO6QE_TxogzXJ5wfxpItvbtiMIGxjoL__7cos7v9hcWsJcQTfYL4JVbkdUAJy3Tx9WUAD7oDA6UgvwUeoXLsZPiqHlSZifQJBoD-gO0i36Q/s400/He+Makes+Me+Laugh.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6CYUnIJCLnx4JctAqSXHDACijE2iueZaFrm_lYUv0QxwKrh8NfMLGiqsXZUkyovR01FBmvmngRVKiOnGiRSwASoT3MMVsu17FsPhpXNiIH5Z_WScMg6Ueg6e9fZH6GCNbRNcv1b0ThQ/s1600-h/Garters+Away.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 268px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780034400485410" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6CYUnIJCLnx4JctAqSXHDACijE2iueZaFrm_lYUv0QxwKrh8NfMLGiqsXZUkyovR01FBmvmngRVKiOnGiRSwASoT3MMVsu17FsPhpXNiIH5Z_WScMg6Ueg6e9fZH6GCNbRNcv1b0ThQ/s400/Garters+Away.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOSt4tEvr592PW7TodFzAbvOFslGmAL1MpeFv8bRG_lYrZODHOsKhMYh95OcZsSCNhx34zjf2OPP-3Va7NrzhAFE3_0qW1d0GlP-MhFLNbx2JEW14MKv0_sWdyJxaV3C7jEr8TjQWKOA/s1600-h/Wedding+Family.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 329px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372781466611436034" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOSt4tEvr592PW7TodFzAbvOFslGmAL1MpeFv8bRG_lYrZODHOsKhMYh95OcZsSCNhx34zjf2OPP-3Va7NrzhAFE3_0qW1d0GlP-MhFLNbx2JEW14MKv0_sWdyJxaV3C7jEr8TjQWKOA/s400/Wedding+Family.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf4_7tXbD3vJVfJSrpBzPZlaFMK9wcrUoCffJL3om33tjNfyvbyNEERScNA3vyF_7zNdT6xfYcj6f4zr6oMeU2K-4lNcLnImKv63C_dK0KvpZRDH4XC5YDNccSoJApzU2BzZsspadRSg/s1600-h/My+Boys+98.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 345px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780894522027714" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf4_7tXbD3vJVfJSrpBzPZlaFMK9wcrUoCffJL3om33tjNfyvbyNEERScNA3vyF_7zNdT6xfYcj6f4zr6oMeU2K-4lNcLnImKv63C_dK0KvpZRDH4XC5YDNccSoJApzU2BzZsspadRSg/s400/My+Boys+98.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 302px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372780888607437778" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja7pMws7u7iRBUAlXcc85ja9PB6E7GO6j3zUbAFA0IFH-1MX1k9guG9ldqC1EV0Q-bFp4YNkYiXt_k9hjrMSuoJElIKmlZ4kFlLeuXMNt43w-b7ByAx3KcxQ2cwq5fsBXRfkb7wh1GJQ/s400/Michelle+and+the+Girls.jpg" /> </div><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 185px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-87164505113353783432009-04-16T17:43:00.001-07:002009-04-16T17:46:05.232-07:00Meanwhile Back at the Ranch...<div align="justify">Since we are running a ranch theme... I thought I'd share this commercial. This is currently running as a commercial for Jack-in-the-Box and it makes me laugh every single time! I have not tried nor do I recommend the Mini Sirloin Burgers, but if you need a good laugh - I recommend the commercial. My husband just laughs at me when it comes on... I giggle so hard!<br /><br /></div><p align="center"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5xXkmvrT_e8&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5xXkmvrT_e8&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></p><div align="justify"><br /><br />"Way out west (way out west), </div><div align="justify">this story's told, (this story's told), </div><div align="justify">'bout a bunch of cowboys, </div><div align="justify">tiny and bold (tiny and bold). </div><div align="justify">Riding tall (riding tall), </div><div align="justify">tall in the saddle, </div><div align="justify">herding cows the size of schnauzers, </div><div align="justify">but their cattle. </div><div align="justify">Yippee-i-ay mini sirloin burgers, </div><div align="justify">yippee-i-o mini sirloin burgers, </div><div align="justify">yippee-i-ay mini sirloin burgers, YAH!" </div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">We do love us a good commercial! Enjoy!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 185px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-3986038890720252842009-03-31T15:57:00.000-07:002009-03-31T16:32:18.776-07:00I Got An Email Today...<p>A few weeks ago I was sharing with a friend about our marriage journey that we are currently tracking when she said, "Have you been through leadership Presbytery?"</p><p>The answer was NO.</p><p>We had not. </p><p>She said, "I would love to see what is spoken over him in that situation."</p><p>I said... HMMM.</p><p>This afternoon as I was bringing in comments for my personal blog I got a blip from Yahoo. </p><p>From: Pastor Angie</p><p>Subject: Leadership Presbytery</p><p>Phone call.</p><p>"Sign us up."</p><p>OH YEAH! God is so gloriously good I just don't know what to do with myself. </p><p>Now... Calling all prayer warriors. Within the next few months hubs will be attending his first ever Freedom Event called Kairos, a weekend intensive focused on inner healing and deliverence. (I've been twice and am attending again in May.)</p><p>Then a few weeks later he attends his first ever MEN's Conference at our church with a who's who line up of cutting edge pastors and men's ministry leaders bringing down the house with God's Word.</p><p>And then... Leadership Presbytery. I told him a few weeks ago I really think God is orchestrating this season of his life for a purpose... Now I'm convinced. Please pray for God to prepare both of our hearts for what is coming. God is doing a new thing in our lives.</p><p>On my husband's behalf...</p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 185px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" border="0" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-59904926826502276522009-03-16T12:28:00.000-07:002009-03-16T12:57:58.516-07:00When God Speaks...I love it when God speaks and I am not the only one who gets the message! Last week Scott and I attended our weekly Freedom Foundation class on Monday night which led to some soul searching conversation. Mostly I was asking where he was and he was saying - I got a little of the message. <br /><br />Our relationship has been like this for quite a while. We'll attend a service or listen to a message and my hubs is vague or uncertain about exactly what God is saying to him, specifically. I'm like on "download" mode struggling to write fast enough and pressing to move ahead with God. It is like opposite ends of the spectrum colliding in not so fashionable glory. <br /><br />After he admitted he saw himself a bit in the lesson I asked, "What do you think God wants you to do about it?"<br /><br />He shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't get that."<br /><br />My head swivels around and almost pops off into orbit because I'm really frustrated. Okay, so I didn't have an "Exorcist" moment really, but realizing it's not my job to judge or to make assessments or even to drive home the message... I'm frustrated. I start praying and get really quiet. He knows my frustration threshhold has been met and settles in for the remainder of what has become a stalemate ride home.<br /><br />I must admit my worst fear is that we will end up back to where we've been these last couple of years - my attempting to move ahead in my relationship with God and him standing still. There is a huge trut and control issue in this that I am having to lay down before the Lord every single day and especially in moments like this.<br /><br />At home, I'm calmer. I admit that my frustration stems from the fear I have that when I stop inviting him to classes or to morning devotion with me that he will quit. I confessed that I was concerned that as long as I am reading the Scriptures to him and he is not reading for himself there will never be a connection for him. I don't want to be the one standing between them mediating their relationship. Christ is supposed to be the mediator. Then I make this profound observation related to our previous troubles:<br /><br />"In the last couple of years, I came to the conclusion that if your relationship with God was never right, then mine would not be either. But that was a lie. I can have an excellent relationship with God whether you ever do or not. That truly has to rest with you and God. But, Scott you must choose for yourself who He is to you and what priority you are going to give Him in your life. The mistake I made was in giving up on you because I didn't see anything changing - Because I believed the lie. But, I need you to know something. I know I can't do this for you - there are parts of this journey you are going to have to figure out how to walk by yourself... But, I'm not giving up on you either. I did that before and I was wrong. I love you, and I'm praying for you and I'm in this with you - whatever it takes. Now, you have to decide where you are in this."<br /><br />We went to bed and weren't angry with one another. We awoke and did our early morning devotion. He engaged more, his prayers were different and God truth seemed to be resonating. I was okay. The week went on by, we negotiated some difficult waters and came through well. <br /><br />Fast Forward to yesterday morning. Our pastor, Robert Morris, began a new series on "My Best Friend, The Son." He is sharing with us how and why Jesus should be our best friend. He called the first message "THE CARPENTER." (You can listen to it <a href="http://www.gatewaypeople.com/sermons/2009/20090314_TheCarpenter.html">HERE</a>.) I was so blessed by the message, but I saw that Scott seemed to really be grasping the heart of it as well. <br /><br />Afterward he admitted that he never realized God wanted that kind of relationship with him. He seemed to really be weighing what Christ went through to build the relationship with us. Oh, what a joy that moment was. Then we went to church last night and received another great message about entering the rest of God and not carrying burdens we were never meant to carry.<br /><br />He said he recognized he was really carrying things he shouldn't be carrying and not resting in God. These are major breakthroughs. <br /><br />Fast Forward to this morning. The morning devotion time had him thanking God for the messages we received and how they spoke to us. (WOW! I'm still savoring that moment.) Then we talked about how we slept and if we felt rested. He said he really didn't and I said I didn't either. Then I said, "You know maybe we didn't do what we were supposed to last night."<br /><br />After a couple of seconds, "Maybe we should revisit that again tonight."<br /><br />"I think you're right."<br /><br />I love it when God speaks in concert and my hubs and I are on the same wave - length.<br /><br />That may sound like a round about way to report Progress, but... It's progress. PRAISE. THE. LORD.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 185px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" border="0" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-18353722199381924342009-02-25T08:07:00.001-08:002009-03-15T12:07:16.915-07:00THE SURVEY IS UP!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVlxtP0T5XTb_wFuPDlE62YKZmsFkxAMYmXDqxWcmmoE8FKovYFfIfIXzHoZ_Mg_5Gd-5Y93yGUrndNWVmDJTuFCNLYnG8ecfB6eSLjA650gAXoQ_YPRMz5xYI4vjWo7hrdX1piFXzCg/s1600-h/Bible+and+Rings.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306767373045550130" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 399px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 247px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVlxtP0T5XTb_wFuPDlE62YKZmsFkxAMYmXDqxWcmmoE8FKovYFfIfIXzHoZ_Mg_5Gd-5Y93yGUrndNWVmDJTuFCNLYnG8ecfB6eSLjA650gAXoQ_YPRMz5xYI4vjWo7hrdX1piFXzCg/s400/Bible+and+Rings.jpg" border="0" /></a> The Marriage Survey is up at my personal blog. Please visit <a href="http://michellebentham.blogspot.com/2009/02/marriage-survey-for-wives.html"><strong><span style="color:#660000;">BECAUSE I LOVE YOU</span></strong> </a>and print off the survey. The post is a "Sticky Post" and will be on top of my blog until the 11th. Please post anonymous comments and share as honestly as discretion allows. I'm praying for God to be huge.<br /><br />Thanks a bundle.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 185px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" border="0" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-22682208512539144902009-02-25T00:00:00.000-08:002009-02-24T05:31:34.390-08:00Redemption**STICKY POST** Scroll down for newer posts. This post is stuck to the top! Kind of like Peanut Butter. I pray you are blessed.<br />-----------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Would you help me? Please pray and share as the Lord leads you.<br /><span style="color:#cccccc;">.</span><br />I need testimonies or stories of how redemption has worked in your marriage. The following Four areas are the Segments in which we will talk about <strong>"REDEEM" - 1.) Covenant, 2.) Time, 3.) Tears, 4.) Harvest.</strong><br /><br /><br /><strong><span style="color:#660000;">How has God worked redemption in any of these four areas in your marriage? For instance, has there been a time when you believed that nothing good could come of your experience because it was so painful and ugly but then God totally redeemed the experience and used it to bring healing, restoration and even better His glory to the situation?</span></strong><br /><br /><br />By submitting a comment you are agreeing to allow me to use your testimony - if you would prefer to submit it anonymously I would welcome that - and would be willing to protect your identity.<br /><br /><br />Please make sure you have your spouse's permission and input before you share your testimony.<br /><br /><br />Thank you in advance.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjHTRHSZKzw_93adhdroqTwXLlxybYmT3JH7nTAEEuKxqc0ZEBeYf4QnLDMtTc3uBiHrn0arv0yt81VN0v8Rdo-urqoEJf8aq1tY3XWgYFl0Nn3wuNDps554lO7HvxYvczNga5n-_bTA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 185px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLLaUD4T4W9D7TA8Q8nYIpZlTu_lWshDqjoQy-ayjaKgdQzRVHHnsRPpgzlue-A-kglKIyf0B3qG117xBv7peHTrayNNuJSKkjdfg_odQMnNaGlk39YFa8EtzpgXn0qQwvrhAY0EPesA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-66779361084774165142009-02-24T05:26:00.001-08:002009-02-24T05:30:01.004-08:00<p>I have a survery posted here... I may sticky it to the top. I'm also posting a survey at my BECAUSE I LOVE YOU blog since it gets a little more traffic. The survey at Because I Love You is for wives... and so I ask you to prayerfully consider answering the questions and helping me to understand where all of you get hung up in the whole godly wife issue...</p><p>I read Ephesians 5:33 in the Amplified and said, "Oh Come On..." My husband laughed at me. But go on and read it yourself. If you don't have an amp Bible then hope on Biblegateway.com and CHECK (<span style="font-family:webdings;">a</span><span style="font-family:georgia;">) IT OUT! </span></p><p>Then check out my survey tomorrow and give your most heartfelt response the questions there.</p><p>Love you guys!</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 185px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" border="0" /></a></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-81316967140387102232009-02-23T21:30:00.000-08:002009-02-23T21:40:52.437-08:00Okay, I'm crying...<p>Here is the deal:</p><p>I really have been having to surrender this dream to God and surrender to the time it will take to work through the process...</p><p><span style="font-size:130%;color:#660000;"><strong>WHY?</strong></span> </p><p>You might ask, and rightly so.</p><p>Well, because I've prayed for years and months... and did I say Years? Years for God to make me into the wife He created me to be and for Scott to grow into the man He created Him to be. After so much time, and coming to the end of myself. <span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>FINALLY. </strong></span><span style="font-size:100%;">I have had to deal with the fact that some things are not going to happen on my time table. GRRR!</span></p><p><span style="font-size:100%;">I am, in my flesh, an instant gratification kind of girl and let me tell you - I want to jump start this thing and get moving on it. But, God is working patience on me in every way and I am learning to enjoy the journey. <strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Learning.</span></strong> </span></p>And what does God do? <br /><br />He gives me a glimpse of His glory in that man of mine tonight. Saturday, I wrote out the first lesson in an hour. I had studied several hours a couple of days this past week sorting it out God just finished it up for me nice and tidy on Saturday night around 11:30 PM. So, when Scott came to bed I unloaded the download on him in a big way. I felt like I might explode. <br /><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff">Scott listened, he asked questions and seemed to engage the entire conversation. All this while we were both tired and awaiting an early riser call from the alarm clock for church the next morning.</span><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff"></span><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff">So tonight as he was climbing into bed, I pulled out my notebook and said can I share a few things from my notes with you. He said, "Yes."</span><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff"></span><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff">I almost didn't because I thought I was pushing the envelope and his patience. But, he assured me he wanted to hear what I wanted to share. He listened and when I finished he said, "Baby, that was really good."</span><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff"></span><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff">I could hardly believe my ears. God is so good, and so is my husband. And He's growing us up every single day! I love both of them so very much. </span><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff"></span><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff">(The signature says its from both of us, but this one is really just from me... :o))</span><br /><span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #faeaff"></span><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s1600-h/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306065590587047138" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 185px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhh72rYlCZvgFkyE3fMHzQANGB1r5oFipsZAQYC_Dk2F9lK6-gV7H-OxGl4qvYQDVMh1MP-BN-2IdldMCvN9f0EeMSPMqAeSaiqxCrCI2byF34xOuU-QgxR9-Pp3cKjLxys7pdoXQrA/s400/Restoration+Ranch+Signature.jpg" border="0" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-10021247223968107162009-02-19T07:39:00.000-08:002009-02-19T07:59:40.193-08:00How Can You Join Our Journey?<span style="color:#000000;">Pray! Pray! Pray!<br /><br /></span><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;">We are going to need all the prayer we can get. I've been looking up old prayer partners and enlisting their services. We've been standing on His promises and today my precious man thanked God for giving us the ability to dream, my hubs acknowledged that He is the one who gives us our dreams and our future. It was so beautiful to hear those words.</span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;">I have seven retreat overviews with four segments each, and I've already had one person who said - "Sign Us Up! We'll do one here." It is the small Baptist church where Scott and I began our journey with God nearly nine years ago. Oh the Glory of it all... He will bring us full circle.</span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;">My husband saw me feverishly writing the notes for the first lesson yesterday and asked, "What's that?"</span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;">I said, "The notes for the first series of lessons. I've been on auto download all day."</span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;">He smiled. "So, this means that you are going to teach and I'm going to take care of the horses?"</span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;">"Well, not exactly. I know you aren't comfortable talking in front of people, but there will be things you can do up there with me. You'll never be up there alone and neither will I. This is all about us and God - not me or you." </span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;">My husband gets the deer in the headlights look on his face everytime he is asked to pray. He does it well, he has great insight... He just lacks confidence. He prays everyday for God to make him more like Him. And I know that He is. In time my man will be everything He has called Scott to be and I am so grateful to just be a part of the journey. </span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;">My husband smiled, seemed a little easier and listened as I told him all about the lessons. Because I want ALL OF YOU to come to our Restoration Ranch ... I'm not going to write about the lessons here. But truthfully... They are so good - I am learning a ton. WHOO HOO!</span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#faeaff;"><span style="color:#000000;">Love you and thank you so much for coming along this trail ride of life with us. The everything we've been through is so worth the promise</span></span><span style="color:#000000;"> we have in our hearts. Love you again! Be Blessed.</span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-31198954975599041052009-02-17T06:42:00.000-08:002009-02-17T08:43:11.819-08:00Is Anything Too Hard For God?<div><div><div><div align="justify"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgchUHz0_gR5M-rhL5PZ5z7wr_tzpXRtNDGWAhqzsS5MFJzLuZpHdaolXiBjR0sa_woTzIedtZd7lqbYDf7tjD46bWTpv7DF5w3nNYdb00tzcs2X6ke96MNn2dGRMWcx4PMVNNr_meaew/s1600-h/Fencline.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5303780053392464098" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 399px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 299px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgchUHz0_gR5M-rhL5PZ5z7wr_tzpXRtNDGWAhqzsS5MFJzLuZpHdaolXiBjR0sa_woTzIedtZd7lqbYDf7tjD46bWTpv7DF5w3nNYdb00tzcs2X6ke96MNn2dGRMWcx4PMVNNr_meaew/s400/Fencline.jpg" border="0" /></a> I included Jeremiah 32:6-27 in my post yesterday. I was sitting at Chik-fil-a drinking lemonade and trying to wrap my mind around the thing while flipping to Jeremaih 33 when I saw Jeremiah 32 and this "heading:" <em>Jeremiah purchases a piece of land. </em>I thought.... HMMMM!<br />So I read the chapter and my heart started racing and my head felt as if it might spin. This passage is for us. When I came to the last two verses, I just felt like jumping up and down. I didn't because that in Chik-fil-a might get you asked to leave.<br /><br /><span style="color:#660000;"><em>26 Then came the word of the Lord to Jeremiah, saying, </em></span><br /><span style="color:#660000;"><em>27 Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is there anything too hard for Me?<br /></em></span><br /><strong>Jeremiah 32:6-27 (AMP)</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />Jeremiah receives word from the Lord to buy a piece of property from his cousin in the land of Benjamin. Jeremiah does as the Lord bids him to do. He purchases the land without any trouble at all. Then he has the documents placed in a jar to be preserved to mark out the great thing the Lord had done.<br /><br />Why?<br /><br />Why was Jeremiah buying a piece of property that he had a familial right to purchase and possess mark such a remarkable occasion?<br /><br />Because it didn't make sense. No one was buying property in Judah and Jerusalem at that time. Most of the people were being carried off to Babylon for exile and captivity. But, Jeremiah was granted the privilege of purchasing property in a nation under seige. Furthermore, there was no guarantee that Jeremiah would get to keep and possess the land with the Babylonians coming against the Southern Kingdom as they were.<br /><br />So Jeremiah prays and says "Lord you are so awesome, so amazing and wonderful, but surely you know the entire nation is going into captivity yet you had me go and buy a piece of land?" (My paraphrase)<br /><br />God's reply, "Behold (look here I want you to see this) I am the Lord God of everyone and everything - is anything too hard me?" (my paraphrase)<br /><br />Is anything too hard for God. If He places a dream in your heart, can He not fulfill it?<br /><br />Yesterday morning as Scott and I prayed together I confessed to God we wanted this dream only if it was His dream because our dream doesn't work without Him. It was near lunch time that I was reading Jeremiah 32. And when I was leaving Chik-fil-a Scott called to ask me about where we were going to put all the people! Confirmation, confirmation, confirmation.<br /><br />I was rehearsing the ranch in my mind all the way home and getting a bit overwhelmed. So last night at church we went to a class on hearing God and I heard Him say, "Stop trying so hard. I got you. You're mine."<br /><br />We are the sheep of His pasture and nothing is too hard for Him. Has God given you a dream in your heart that you long to fulfill? Please share one paragraph in the comments and tell us about <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia3nzwdL37Ar_m9W7j0ts-3_rmD0AQ-JqHRXI5BFbAahIO5W5re3cWx8NFLLPjNblpxvrX6YYPIxtK2js6cLQgdIg_SWhSFmb4V_w4siTlljnK_ORcJ11x9OHCoqr9Nr-a7d5Zu9mZnw/s1600-h/Blessings+Michelle+and+Scott.jpg"></a>your dream. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglOl2kbJAiMJgDFlb8eNQbZ97IClveY5BsGl888YAHOKT95Gxwi7x7SiBNYTo7NE_A9z9TLyWSbptDjTd6GLW-FLCINS6PB4YsO1fCzux76PSP3GNbXCaFH27cyzgeE7_u2cyAtVDz3A/s1600-h/Blessings+Michelle+and+Scott.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5303807515874342530" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 661px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 137px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglOl2kbJAiMJgDFlb8eNQbZ97IClveY5BsGl888YAHOKT95Gxwi7x7SiBNYTo7NE_A9z9TLyWSbptDjTd6GLW-FLCINS6PB4YsO1fCzux76PSP3GNbXCaFH27cyzgeE7_u2cyAtVDz3A/s400/Blessings+Michelle+and+Scott.jpg" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ-WEf_nLLtI9HuK_hR_a74_4vRmsNfcjk6Aq-rvejpH5uTwjd8B8_TlhQFCzEVH0BaLslXPH5lla9DxcJ6cGw26BZO2DfIHbhKwiA58VOpFE_yUWEmtq06QiZ7SBAlV0oivEJLeDTOQ/s1600-h/Blessings+Michelle+and+Scott.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYMNd4vTD8rO3bCsfHeD3dKsZiTwnnzerpyiiD8eeufBAZo-RrR7h2bX8nc3sUY0Bu8h3-RJze66f99L46PMAoQ2-vsh8RsqEXG3qM09pYgYMBuOIl81y6XRz9mfX3OdWj7T2a7TssTg/s1600-h/Blessings+Michelle+and+Scott.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE4Cb7ukNDP0KSKb6P9drEnKJBPhKZAIWiwEwP8cO0hdLrn_IHuWcMz3ZNcpy9oWZnqqPJQNhj207_jCheYpXN5aT2x90T0qkjG4nIXCkk8UmxJb87RKn6_DkYQMuu9vc-qQx_OM2IkQ/s1600-h/Blessings+Michelle+and+Scott.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUbj3tAd-Xtfl8U6EyCfRWfUgGbQ7DwG_ZB88GGxXGW28RYjArVYWHSZ3YAdauQBe1sacnKCdvIx86D0C64wCjcpUFWWCJbPNpaEAU2RlPr4eVheVAMfdmkYp3c4Z6cn4bikYCBoVA6Q/s1600-h/Blessings+Michelle+and+Scott.jpg"></a></div></div></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70830022479016684.post-66337889309979913712009-02-16T12:05:00.000-08:002009-02-16T12:24:52.753-08:00Welcome to the Dream!I pray that you are blessed and join us as we pray through this dream and journey with God. My husband and I lay looking into one another's eyes by the soft light filtering in through our bathroom door last night as we began to envision this dream. <br /><br /><strong>The Ranch. </strong><br /><br />A place to be renewed, restored, refreshed, revived, resurrected, rescued, related to as well as a place to remember, reconnect, recommit, renew, reconcile, rediscover, and retreat with your spouse or family to new levels of relationship with one another and God, as well as see God begin the work of healing through intensive retreats designed to facilitate reconnection, recommittment, restoration and Revival in your lives. I pray you are blessed and pray God brings light to the darkness as we seek to do His will with what He has given us. <br /><br />SIDE NOTE: Last night we talked about all the couples and families whose lives could be changed by coming to a retreat facility built as a place of worship where God's presence is invited to minister and heal them. This morning hubs called:<br /><br />Him: <em>About the ranch?</em><br /><em></em><br />Me: <em>Yeah?</em><br /><em></em><br />Him: <em>What are we going to do with all the people?</em><br /><em></em><br />Me: <em>What do you mean?</em><br /><em></em><br />Him: <em>When they come where will they stay?</em><br /><em></em><br />Me: <em>I had in mind a large house so they could stay with us.</em><br /><em></em><br />Him: <em>Oh.</em><br /><em></em><br />Me: <em>Why?</em><br /><em></em><br />Him: <em>Well, I was just thinking if we build a place with classrooms, and you know more rooms for them to stay then we could start hosting the family reunions for your mom and dad, too. Get those started again!</em><br /><em></em><br />Me: <em>Well, I had thought of that. I was actually writing about the dream just now. I wrote - Full service, commercial Kitchen. </em><br /><em></em><br />Him: <em>Well, I just thought about that.</em><br /><em></em><br />Me: <em>I'll write it down. Maybe we can start by hosting three or four couples to our home for the retreats and then build it out from there.</em><br /><em></em><br />Him<em>: Yeah, maybe. </em><br /><em></em><br />We concluded our conversation by acknowledging that we must begin sowing toward the dream God has given us and understand that what seems too big and impossible for us based on who we are and have been - is nothing compared to what God can do with those who are diligently seeking what He has called them to do. We are seeking.<br /><br /><div align="justify"><span style="color:#660000;">"Jeremiah said, "God's Message came to me like this: Prepare yourself! Hanamel, your uncle Shallum's son, is on his way to see you. He is going to say, 'Buy my field in Anathoth. You have the legal right to buy it.' "And sure enough, just as God had said, my cousin Hanamel came to me while I was in jail and said, 'Buy my field in Anathoth in the territory of Benjamin, for you have the legal right to keep it in the family. Buy it. Take it over.' "That did it. I knew it was God's Message. "So I bought the field at Anathoth from my cousin Hanamel. I paid him seventeen silver shekels. I followed all the proper procedures: In the presence of witnesses I wrote out the bill of sale, sealed it, and weighed out the money on the scales. Then I took the deed of purchase—the sealed copy that contained the contract and its conditions and also the open copy— and gave them to Baruch son of Neriah, the son of Mahseiah. All this took place in the presence of my cousin Hanamel and the witnesses who had signed the deed, as the Jews who were at the jail that day looked on. "Then, in front of all of them, I told Baruch, 'These are orders from God-of-the-Angel-Armies, the God of Israel: Take these documents—both the sealed and the open deeds—and put them for safekeeping in a pottery jar. For God-of-the-Angel-Armies, the God of Israel, says, "Life is going to return to normal. Homes and fields and vineyards are again going to be bought in this country." ' "And then, having handed over the legal documents to Baruch son of Neriah, I prayed to God, 'Dear God, my Master, you created earth and sky by your great power—by merely stretching out your arm! There is nothing you can't do. 18 You're loyal in your steadfast love to thousands upon thousands—but you also make children live with the fallout from their parents' sins. Great and powerful God, named God-of-the-Angel-Armies, determined in purpose and relentless in following through, you see everything that men and women do and respond appropriately to the way they live, to the things they do. " 'You performed signs and wonders in the country of Egypt and continue to do so right into the present, right here in Israel and everywhere else, too. You've made a reputation for yourself that doesn't diminish. You brought your people Israel out of Egypt with signs and wonders—a powerful deliverance!—by merely stretching out your arm. You gave them this land and solemnly promised to their ancestors a bountiful and fertile land. But when they entered the land and took it over, they didn't listen to you. They didn't do what you commanded. They wouldn't listen to a thing you told them. And so you brought this disaster on them. " 'Oh, look at the siege ramps already set in place to take the city. Killing and starvation and disease are on our doorstep. The Babylonians are attacking! The Word you spoke is coming to pass—it's daily news! And yet you, God, the Master, even though it is certain that the city will be turned over to the Babylonians, also told me, Buy the field. Pay for it in cash. And make sure there are witnesses.' " Then God's Message came again to Jeremiah: <strong>"Stay alert! I am God, the God of everything living. Is there anything I can't do?" </strong> ~ Jeremiah 32:6-27 (MSG) (Emphasis Added.)</span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16192231917797056935noreply@blogger.com