Our relationship has been like this for quite a while. We'll attend a service or listen to a message and my hubs is vague or uncertain about exactly what God is saying to him, specifically. I'm like on "download" mode struggling to write fast enough and pressing to move ahead with God. It is like opposite ends of the spectrum colliding in not so fashionable glory.
After he admitted he saw himself a bit in the lesson I asked, "What do you think God wants you to do about it?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't get that."
My head swivels around and almost pops off into orbit because I'm really frustrated. Okay, so I didn't have an "Exorcist" moment really, but realizing it's not my job to judge or to make assessments or even to drive home the message... I'm frustrated. I start praying and get really quiet. He knows my frustration threshhold has been met and settles in for the remainder of what has become a stalemate ride home.
I must admit my worst fear is that we will end up back to where we've been these last couple of years - my attempting to move ahead in my relationship with God and him standing still. There is a huge trut and control issue in this that I am having to lay down before the Lord every single day and especially in moments like this.
At home, I'm calmer. I admit that my frustration stems from the fear I have that when I stop inviting him to classes or to morning devotion with me that he will quit. I confessed that I was concerned that as long as I am reading the Scriptures to him and he is not reading for himself there will never be a connection for him. I don't want to be the one standing between them mediating their relationship. Christ is supposed to be the mediator. Then I make this profound observation related to our previous troubles:
"In the last couple of years, I came to the conclusion that if your relationship with God was never right, then mine would not be either. But that was a lie. I can have an excellent relationship with God whether you ever do or not. That truly has to rest with you and God. But, Scott you must choose for yourself who He is to you and what priority you are going to give Him in your life. The mistake I made was in giving up on you because I didn't see anything changing - Because I believed the lie. But, I need you to know something. I know I can't do this for you - there are parts of this journey you are going to have to figure out how to walk by yourself... But, I'm not giving up on you either. I did that before and I was wrong. I love you, and I'm praying for you and I'm in this with you - whatever it takes. Now, you have to decide where you are in this."
We went to bed and weren't angry with one another. We awoke and did our early morning devotion. He engaged more, his prayers were different and God truth seemed to be resonating. I was okay. The week went on by, we negotiated some difficult waters and came through well.
Fast Forward to yesterday morning. Our pastor, Robert Morris, began a new series on "My Best Friend, The Son." He is sharing with us how and why Jesus should be our best friend. He called the first message "THE CARPENTER." (You can listen to it HERE.) I was so blessed by the message, but I saw that Scott seemed to really be grasping the heart of it as well.
Afterward he admitted that he never realized God wanted that kind of relationship with him. He seemed to really be weighing what Christ went through to build the relationship with us. Oh, what a joy that moment was. Then we went to church last night and received another great message about entering the rest of God and not carrying burdens we were never meant to carry.
He said he recognized he was really carrying things he shouldn't be carrying and not resting in God. These are major breakthroughs.
Fast Forward to this morning. The morning devotion time had him thanking God for the messages we received and how they spoke to us. (WOW! I'm still savoring that moment.) Then we talked about how we slept and if we felt rested. He said he really didn't and I said I didn't either. Then I said, "You know maybe we didn't do what we were supposed to last night."
After a couple of seconds, "Maybe we should revisit that again tonight."
"I think you're right."
I love it when God speaks in concert and my hubs and I are on the same wave - length.
That may sound like a round about way to report Progress, but... It's progress. PRAISE. THE. LORD.
